Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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