DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
