At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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