Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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