i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
