direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
