Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
