So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
