It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
