i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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