If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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