im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize