it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
