he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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