he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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