i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
