our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
