I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
