She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
