Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
