yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
