I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
