Your dad touched me again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my poor anus
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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