That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
