I'm jealous of your bromance
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
