Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
