Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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