Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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