You just made me feel so damn special
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
