he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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