sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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