Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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