I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
