I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
