So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
