So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
