I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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