It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
