once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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