I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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