he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
