ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
