I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
