that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
