i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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