Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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