so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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