Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
