My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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