Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
