I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
