i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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