My room smells like vodka and shame
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
